HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
