yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
