At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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