peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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