I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
