im about as happy as oj after his trial
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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