she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
