Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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