Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
