Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
