I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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