16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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