Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't think brook has ever known best
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
