You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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