I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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