Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
