well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
