need another drink. this is the easiest way
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
