it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I believe in your delicious
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
