I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
