I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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