you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
