They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
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I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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