walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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