well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
