I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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