Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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