I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dick very happy bro
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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