I got her a Nickelback box set.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
