My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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