Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
