and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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