I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
