I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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