My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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