he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
