I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
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Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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