look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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