you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
