I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
