It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
