Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
