I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
