if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
