at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
