you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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