Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
