The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
