If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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