Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
