This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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