Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
