thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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