It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
