apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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