and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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