I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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