So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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