My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
