I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
3pm strippers are depressing
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
