I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
