She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
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why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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