so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
