Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
