You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
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This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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