Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
