Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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