it was like his penis was on wheels.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
