were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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