Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
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I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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